Artist Greggy...Musings and Yik-Yak

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01/16/2005
Entry: "A small moral confession..."

Part of the process of healing and moving on from past mistakes is to talk about them. When I was much younger I was a completely different individual than the man I am today. While I was no career criminal by far, I did do some things when I was younger that makes me wish I could change things back or make things right with certain individuals I’ve hurt or harmed by my “lapses of good judgment” when I was a youngster. I’d like to take this moment to publicly acknowledge and clear my conscience of the following heinous act of moral turpitude performed long ago by a younger Bad Greggy:

Once I remember standing in line at a store somewhere a long time ago when I was in my late teens. There was a lady standing in front of me about to pay for her purchases. Apparently while she was in the process of preparing to pay, she dropped a $5 bill on the floor behind her and it landed at my feet. I did not even notice it at the time as I was apparently occupied with something else. She didn’t either since she still was in the process of gathering her goods together at the counter. After a few moments I happened to look down and spot a $5 bill at my feet and for some reason instead of stooping down to pick it up and inquire if anyone dropped some money, I decided to place my foot over it and then pick it up after the woman in front of me was finished with her purchase. I was secretly celebrating inside at my good fortune of finding some money. Then the lady in front of me began fumbling with her money as she was paying and looking around as if she had lost something. I was about to ask her if she dropped the $5 bill that I had clamped my foot over about 2 minutes previously when she managed to come up with enough money to pay for her purchase and left the store. As she left she was still looking around on the floor and for some reason I still could not work up the face to lift my frinking foot and reveal the $5 bill that I was standing on. Since I was the only customer left in the store by then I hurriedly stooped down to retrieve the money and left the store feeling horribly ashamed of myself. I mean it wasn’t like I was starving and that money was going to make or break me either…I still cannot explain to my spirit why I acted that way that day long ago, and as such I offer apologies heavenward. I do know that if I was ever to run across that woman again, without a word I would “arrange” for her to “find” what she lost 100 times over….It may not make it right by God but it sure would set my heart at ease on a personal level….

With that said and off my chest I’m ready to let that part of my past go from my conscience and wish all of you a very nice week ahead!

I feel better already!

Replies:
9 brothers and sisters helped me to understand.


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on Thursday, January 20th, 2005 @ 02:44 PM EST
Meka said

The fact that you feel bad about it, all of these years later is a testament to your character. God Bless.

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on Wednesday, January 19th, 2005 @ 09:51 PM EST
Cheryl said

heheI do know what you mean, Greggy! Lol!

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on Wednesday, January 19th, 2005 @ 05:05 AM EST
HumanityCritic said

I used to get in all types of trouble myself, but we all grow and mature. Great blog..

Thanks for the stop broman...I think if we asked just about anybody, we'll find that we all used to get our axes in trouble from time to time...a part of growing up I guess...Folk like us learned from our shennigans, while brothers sitting in jail or wasted couldn't take a hint, eh?...Peace!...G

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on Tuesday, January 18th, 2005 @ 11:54 AM EST
AA said

Im going to try this...hopefully it wont take a week..

Actually it shouldn't take more than a few days tops! I just got back from perusing your archives...had me rollin! Peace!...G

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on Monday, January 17th, 2005 @ 05:29 PM EST
Yolanda said

G, you admitted to your lapse in judgment, and as far as I'm concerned, you've paid for it. This rode your back how many years? Yup, my brotha, you've paid your dues on that one.

Hey Yolanda! I'm just glad that although the values and morals that my Mom and Grandmom instilled in me didn't kick in as my first instinct, they did cause me to feel enough shame in what I did then to learn from that and do the right thing the next time...G


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on Monday, January 17th, 2005 @ 01:20 AM EST
ceecee said

Hi Greggy! Happy MLK Day!
Isn't it a good feeling getting it off your chest? If you still feel guilty, try giving to charity, they say it helps. Or the next time you're out grocery shopping and someone is fumbling for money, hand the person a 5.

Hi ceecee...I like your idea about giving a lil' sum' sum' to charity...but the other idea about giving someone $5 if I see them fumbling for money would most certainly break a brotha quick! Everyone I know fumble with their loot at the register 'cause we don't want to part with it! Have agood week!...G

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on Monday, January 17th, 2005 @ 12:12 AM EST
Cheryl said

Aww that poor lady! You stole the money she needed to buy her kids some milk, or her cab fare home. Oh my goodness Greggy!
Okay, have I made you feel guilty enough? The past is past. I tell you what, if I start confessing my past sins all my blog buddies will gather 'round in prayer for my soul.
You're a good man Greggy Brown.wink

*wild laughing* Actually Cheryl, that's exactly how I felt for years after that...like a creep who stole lil' old lady's pensions in the super market...LOL. Seriously though I did feel like a creep, and rightly so, but it made me change and take a different approach to how I act now when I find money...Now I bend down rather swiftly and pocket e'erthing before anyone get their notice on, knamean?...LOL...G

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on Sunday, January 16th, 2005 @ 08:54 PM EST
Frank said

Greg my man, if that's one of the worst acts that you've ever committed during your "lapses of good judgement", then you my friend still have that place near God's throne secured and ready for you whenever your time on this here plane of existence is up. I think it's safe to say, ALL of us have at least one time or another done something deemed "an act during a lapse of poor judgment" and as we matured knew that it was wrong at the time that we committed it. Maybe it's a right of passage for young men to do things of "that" nature whenever the opportunity presented itself because I've done something very near that as well. Heck, probably even worse. But you came clean without being caught and learned valuable lessons from the act. Now that's certainly commendable and worth mentioning. Be cool my friend.

Frank, by far that wasn't even close to the worst that I've ever committed, it's just one that I've admitted to publically...LOL. I'm sure we all know that just doing good deeds alone don't guarantee a seat at the Banquet Table either, but I tell ya, fessin' up to some stuff that we've held back does wonders to the psyche, yeah? What made me feel so horrible in that instance though was that I was too ashamed to move my foot to give up the $5 because of the fact that to do so would show how carefully I had hidden it under my foot in the first place even after she started looking for it...ouch! All's well now as I've certainly gotten over it now, but it stung for years...Peace and surround yourself with positive energy this week brother!...G

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on Sunday, January 16th, 2005 @ 03:27 PM EST
abbie said

wow - i used to do that kind of crap all the time. I hope I know better now. Or maybe God is just not giving me so many of those opportunities now.... hehe

It wasn't like I did that stuff all the time, but that one incident stood out in my mind as one of the crossroads in my youth where I learned a valuable lesson that shaped me into who I am today. The shame of knowing how I had hidden what I did was enough to guide me in later instances. I can truly say that I learned much from that one incident...G

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